No stitches, just platelets and will power
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
My ATM looks so different sober.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
