There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
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