she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
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