I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
