i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
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