Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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