the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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