I never want to see another naked old woman again.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
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