my sisters under your porch take her home
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
True strength comes from lack of pants
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
