oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
