just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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