He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
