call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
