I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
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