I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I'm eating all of the evidence.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
