yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
