i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
