So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
