i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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