I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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