Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Randomize
