He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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