He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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