i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I don't think brook has ever known best
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
