My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
