what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
