You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
