Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
