the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
