omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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