does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
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