So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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