I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
