spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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