i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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