Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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