soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
