Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
