There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
