If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
