hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
