I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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