Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
