My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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