in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
