Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
