Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
