I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Randomize
