drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
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