Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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