Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
