I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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