with your own penis?
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
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