Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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