John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
