I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
